To Prank a Kat
by LadyAlambiel
Summary: To prank a Kat, it takes an army...and one mastermind...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia or any characters you may recognize from the books or the movies, I wish I did but I don't... I also don't own the Narnian Calendar. It belongs to Elecktrum who was kind enough to let me borrow it for my story. Her own stories are awesome and you should go read them too.

Summary: To prank a Kat, it takes an army...and one mastermind...

A/N: This is part of my _A Light in the Darkness_ universe, but can be read as a standalone. Slight spoilers for _Shadowed_ and _Revealed_.

**To Prank a Kat: Prelude**

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26 Sunbend 1002

"You, Katerina Alambiel, are completely insane!"

"Not completely. More along the lines of mostly or partially or occasionally or-"

"No, _completely_ insane is what you are. And, you are also a menace."

I had to fight the urge to laugh as I watched Edmund pacing in front of me (the entertainment value of provoking a not quite twelve-year-old boy was higher than I had remembered...though not quite on par with that of provoking Oreius). "It wasn't that bad."

Edmund glared at me (I think that was supposed to intimidate me... Sorry, Edmund, you're still shorter than I am and skinnier, so you've a ways to go before you manage to intimidate me) and hissed. "What could possibly be worse than what you did?"

I couldn't resist the door he had just swung wide open for me. "Well, I could have drugged myself to the point of being unconscious for just shy of two full days."

His jaw dropped before he sputtered, "That was your fault!"

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. "How? I had no part of the incident. As far as I can tell, the whole thing occurred as the result of your insistence on drinking whatever was handy."

His eyes narrowed as he suddenly stepped closer and hissed. "Only a menace such as yourself would mix up an extremely powerful sleeping draught in your rooms and then leave it unattended and unmarked when you knew we were coming to have tea with you."

"As opposed to normal people, such as yourself, who also happen to be knights and should know better than to help themselves to unattended drinks, especially if the unattended drinks are in my rooms." I paused and tilted my head slightly, "How long have you known me?"

"Too long." Ouch. My slightly wounded expression didn't move the Just King as he moved into his true rant. "Until this month, Kat, I didn't think you could surpass the utter stupidity of your plan to stop a sorcerer by stabbing his staff with your knives." The irony of that particular statement being that he had been in complete agreement with his brother when it came to knighting me in no small part because of my stupid plan (yes, even I admit that particular plan had been extremely stupid and born of sheer desperation...but only to myself). Edmund paused and gestured to our surroundings with a sweep of his arm (Has he been taking lessons in Ranting at Katerina 101 from Oreius?) before drily stating, "Congratulations, Kat, you have proved us all wrong."

Looking around I supposed he might have had a minor point. Admittedly, my idea to use Ogres and Cyclopes against each other wasn't the best thing I could have come up with, but I had been short on time and we had been badly outnumbered, so I had to do what I had to do. The trick was convincing Edmund (not to mention Oreius) to see my side of things...it wasn't going well. And, for the record, I had no idea that there was a coven of Harpies in the ravine we had hidden in (for a very, very brief amount of time) _before_ we went in (note to self: check for sleeping Harpies before hiding from fighting Ogres and Cyclopes in creepy-looking ravines). However, I definitely knew about them after we went in (you know, maybe we should just avoid going into creepy-looking ravines in general). Of course, the resulting mêlée and general chaos just between the fighting Ogres and Cyclopes who were beating on each other when not batting at the Harpies screeching and circling around their heads had been rather hard on the landscape. And, this was just the Fell Beasts fighting it out...Edmund and I had been too preoccupied with not getting stepped on, swatted, carried off (Harpies are stronger than they look), or generally squished and/or flattened to actually participate in the fight.

I looked around once more then shrugged, "Well, we found where the Fell Beasts were hiding and we even managed to take care of the problem...sort of."

Edmund glared at me before intoning, "I hate you."

I couldn't help myself...I laughed softly, "I know."

"Your cavalier attitude is not appreciated, Kat." For a boy who wasn't going to be twelve for another two months, Edmund has a rather expansive vocabulary, which he typically pulled out when he's annoyed and on his way to being irate. I blame the lessons in rhetoric...besides I wasn't being cavalier, _I_ was being _blasé_. He started to leave, only to turn back and point at me, "This is all your fault, Kat, and I'm going to make sure Oreius knows it."

Glancing over my shoulder, I had to sigh. Oreius was probably going to take the details of the report about as well as when he found out about the little incident in Glasswater. Following Edmund back to camp, I tried to come up with a perfectly reasonable explanation why our run to fill some of the extra waterskins resulted in a Fell Beast free-for-all...I didn't have one.

Honestly, I suppose it could have been worse...I mean, in the end our troop of soldiers caught and eliminated the last of the Fell Beasts in the area and they were so dazed from the earlier ruckus that it was easier than first assumed. Unfortunately, Oreius had about the same reaction as Edmund when he learned the exact details of the ruckus that had benefitted our efforts...only it was about a hundred times greater and longer (not to mention louder). The bucket of ice-cold river water (does river water even come in any other temperature?) he tossed on me the next morning, I let pass because, well, mainly because Ardon stopped me before I could throw the coffee pot at the unsuspecting, ill-tempered, annoying Kentauri's head. Although, as we headed back to Cair Paravel, I did notice that Edmund and Peter were conspiring together even more so than usual...well, I suppose I should keep an eye out for any stray (and not-so-stray) pranks that came my way. Still, I wasn't too worried since I had been masterminding enough pranks (including two dye jobs that I can't think about without snickering) that the boys were entitled to a single revenge prank...besides what could they possibly do that would top what I had already done?

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**A/N: Please read and review! This story is all about Peter and Edmund and...a couple others...getting their revenge on Kat for all the pranks she has played on them in the past. The pranks start in earnest in the next chapter. Leave a review and let me know what y'all think about this one and if you have any suggestions for different ways Kat should be pranked include them in your review or PM me.**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia or any characters you may recognize from the books or the movies, I wish I did but I don't... I also don't own the Narnian Calendar. It belongs to Elecktrum who was kind enough to let me borrow it for my story. Her own stories are awesome and you should go read them too.

Summary: To prank a Kat, it takes an army...and one mastermind...

A/N: This is part of my _A Light in the Darkness_ universe, but can be read as a standalone. Slight spoilers for _Shadowed_ and _Revealed_.

**To Prank a Kat: Act One**

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I had dried out by the time we reached Cair Paravel at a little before noon...of course, that didn't mean I wasn't still ticked with Oreius for throwing the bucket of ice-cold river water on me at five in the morning. I was still weighing the pros and cons of ignoring all common sense and somehow finding a way to encase the Kentauri's papers in jello (I didn't even know if Narnia had jello, but I could find something similar I'm sure) in retaliation...the pros were winning...when I joined the Four on the terrace for lunch. If I hadn't been so preoccupied with thinking of ways to get Oreius back without being strangled or tossed in the dungeon (or ocean), I probably would have noticed the smirks on Peter and Edmund's faces in time to save myself. But I was, so I didn't.

I quickly poured some coffee and mixed in four scoops of sugar (I always sweeten the coffee if I can, especially when it wasn't my special blend). I was about to take a drink when Lucy blurted out my name, "Kat!"

I lowered the cup and looked at her questioningly, "Lucy?"

She bit her lip and was silent for a moment before she breathlessly asked, "Why did you go looking for Harpies yesterday?"

I rolled my eyes and leaned back in my chair. "I did not go looking for the Harpies. Edmund and I went to fill the waterskins, we stumbled across Ogres and Cyclopes, the Ogres and Cyclopes started clobbering each other, I looked for a place we could go to avoid being stepped on, and found one. I did not know there were Harpies in that ravine, contrary to what everyone is apparently saying."

I shook my head with a sigh and reached for my coffee...only to put it right back down when Lucy asked another question, "So what are you going to do about it?"

I sighed again and could hardly believe what I was about to say. "Well, I'm going to fill out a full report and give it to Oreius." Paperwork...yuck. And, I was voluntarily going to do it...what was wrong with me?

Lucy opened her mouth and my hand paused on its way to grab my cup of coffee. Edmund cut her off before she could say anything, "Lu, why don't you wait until our Kat has at least had a drink of her coffee?"

Lucy hesitated then sat back in her chair (looking back I would realize that was actually a clue of what was to come). I silently thanked Edmund and gratefully took a big gulp of my coffee. I can sum up that gulp in two words: Yuck and eww. And, I do mean yeeee-uuuuckkk and eeeewwww! It was almost as bad as that sludge Ardon and Oreius had tricked me into drinking months earlier. I coughed and hacked as I tried not to think about what my mouth felt like at that moment. The boys were nearly falling out of their chairs from the force of their laughter (apparently the expression on my face was hilarious). I desperately reached for the cup of tea Susan had just poured for me and chugged it down, hoping it would take the awfulness away. It didn't. I drank another full cup of tea (and I don't usually drink tea if I can avoid it). Another half a cup later, I was finally able to croak, "Switched the salt with the sugar, yes?"

Edmund managed to raise himself up enough to nod. And I threw a crumpet at his head. Then, I threw one at Peter for good measure before I drank the rest of the tea and poured myself a fourth cup. Lucy was trying hard not to giggle and she somehow still managed to sound sincerely concerned when she asked, "Are you okay, Kat?"

I hung my head then gasped out, "I think my tongue curdled." Even Susan cracked up at that. I ignored the way all four Pevensies were close to falling out of their chairs and rolling on the ground from the force of their laughter. I wasn't going to seek revenge because all my previous pranks meant they were entitled to one revenge prank. I worked my jaw a moment and wondered if I would even be able to taste the sandwich I had been about to eat. Probably not. Switching the salt for the sugar...a classic prank and one easily achieved with the unintentional help of the victim. I need less of a sweet tooth. I promptly switched from the tea to hot chocolate and clung to the hope that my tongue would uncurdle eventually. At least, the boys probably wouldn't try to prank me again that day...I hoped.

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**A/N: Please Read and Review! And, so it begins. Leave a review below and let me know what y'all think about this one and if you have any suggestions/ideas for what other pranks can be played on Kat.**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia or any characters you may recognize from the books or the movies, I wish I did but I don't... I also don't own the Narnian Calendar. It belongs to Elecktrum who was kind enough to let me borrow it for my story. Her own stories are awesome and you should go read them too.

Summary: To prank a Kat, it takes an army...and one mastermind...

A/N: This is part of my _A Light in the Darkness_ universe, but can be read as a standalone. Slight spoilers for _Shadowed_ and _Revealed_.

**To Prank a Kat: Act Two**

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I had almost recovered from the salt prank (my tongue had transitioned from curdled to just plain shriveled...trust me that was an improvement) when one of the pages, a large tabby Cat by the name of Bas, came and informed Peter, Edmund, and I that Oreius requested our presence (in other words, the Kentauri had very politely told his students to get their rears down to training posthaste). I nearly groaned at the thought of training that afternoon...I also needed to change into training-appropriate clothing. Unfortunately, it was a day where I had to wear skirts. At least, training would prevent the boys from pulling any more pranks since Oreius had been quite...emphatic, to say the least, about no more pranks in his armory for five years and they're not crazy enough to go against his mandate (I choose not to comment about whether I am or not). Why Oreius insisted on our having training when we had just got back I don't know...other than it was Fifthday and apparently Oreius doesn't really believe in the concept of taking days other than Seventhday off (I'm working on changing that...it's slow work). Needless to say, I was the last of the three of us to get to the armory...

"Dame Sepphora, how good of you to join us."

I rolled my eyes, "I'm not that late, Oreius." Honestly, he acted like I had taken three hours to get down there just because I was maybe ten minutes later than Peter and Edmund...who were in the corner grinning as they watched (they enjoyed watching me get in trouble way too much).

"Late enough." He gestured for me to go ahead and grab my armor. "At least you cannot bring a horde of Fell Beasts down on us if you are in the Cair."

All right, so maybe the Kentauri was being a bit terse (and prickly) over the whole incident that had happened the day before (but sometimes I think he acts this way just to see how I will react to it...my reaction has yet to change all that much...not sure if he thinks this is good or bad). Still, that last comment... I pulled my leather jerkin over my head and had to tell him what I was thinking, "You know such statements are the equivalent of begging Murphy to bring his law into play."

He shook his head (you would think he'd give up on debating Murphy with me...but he hasn't), "I do not think this Murphy of yours has as long a reach as you seem to think. Put your cuirass on, so we may begin."

"Oreius, I don't think Murphy has that long of a reach, I know he does...or at least the basic principle that is easiest to sum up by simply referring to it as 'Murphy' because it does happen. How else would you explain yesterday?"

As I spoke, I frowned when I looked down at my cuirass and realized something was in the two inner sheaths Baumur had designed for my knives (currently out of commission due to being stabbed into a sorcerer's staff). Six months had passed but Baumur still hadn't forgiven me for the knives being destroyed and thus far had refused to craft another pair for me. I was about to pull whatever it was out to see if it really was the pair of knives I had been waiting for, but then I was distracted by Oreius' retort. "I explain yesterday as a product of your poor planning and failing to pay attention to your surroundings." Now, that wasn't very fair.

I graced Oreius with a disgusted look as I put on my cuirass then quickly tightened the lacing, "So, you are telling me that you would have been able to tell in a single glance that the ravine was housing a bunch of Harpies, is that right?"

Oreius sounded decidedly smug when he answered, "No. I would not have even been in that situation to begin with because I pay attention to my surroundings including the changes to them and I plan ahead, unlike you." I hate him.

I was itching to throw something at him, but I didn't dare at that particular moment. Instead, I muttered under my breath, "Ní raibh tú ag íoc aird a thabhairt ar do thimpeallacht nó atá ag pleanáil chun tosaigh nuair a chuir tú clogad iomlán dath bándearg ar do cheann, a bhí tú, Oreius?" _(You were not paying attention to your surroundings or planning ahead when you put a helmet full of pink dye on your head, were you, Oreius?)_

He frowned at me and I was immediately thankful that we hadn't gotten very far yet with those lessons in Irish I was supposed to be giving him. Because my observation would not have been appreciated...even if it was true. As it was, he probably suspected that I had made a rather sarcastic remark so I quickly made my way past him to enter the training yard. Cletus, Ardon, and the boys were already out there, having slipped out when Oreius and I were, ahem, discussing the matter of Murphy. Sherket and Ptah were also in the courtyard, apparently observing, but knowing Oreius, he would probably bring them into the actual training as well. Since Cletus and Ardon were already sparring with Edmund and Peter, respectively, I already knew that I was once again stuck sparring against Oreius.

Facing Oreius, I hesitated when I realized I hadn't grabbed Chrysaor. Well that was poor planning on my part. But... Oreius drew his claymore and I really didn't have much time to figure out what to do so out of habit I reached back and pulled out my knives, and for the first time in six months I actually grabbed something. I was happy...until I brought my hands around and saw what I had grabbed...

A pair of polished wooden knives. That...that is what I was holding. And, it got better. When I pulled them free of the sheaths, a square piece of cloth unwrapped from around each wooden blade with the words 'Good Luck' and 'You're going to need it' embroidered across the left and right squares, respectively. I heard some quickly stifled laughter behind me and then Sherket and Ptah were sneezing their heads off in an attempt to not laugh. To say I was ticked would not even come close to describing just how irritated I was at that moment. However, I very grudgingly had to give Oreius credit because the Kentauri didn't even blink as he watched me. Because I know he had to have known what had been done, there's no way he couldn't have known about a prank that would be put into effect during training.

I glared at the...the _props_ I had been given and then when Oreius took a step toward me, I pitched one at him. It bounced off his chest piece with a satisfying thunk and I started running for the nearest weapons rack with pointy objects. "Sepphora, what are you doing?"

"I'm improvising, you amadáin of a Kentauri!" I threw the other prop at him for good measure, which for some reason I preferred not to think about made him grin (I had called him an idiot and he knew it...he was far too amused).

I reached the weapons rack and grabbed the first sword I could get my hands on. I immediately angled it backward over my shoulder and caught the blow Oreius had aimed at me, which allowed me to twist under it and get on Oreius' vulnerable side. Unfortunately, Oreius' vulnerable side never stays vulnerable for any longer than it takes for him to draw you into a trap (despite what he claims, I do _not_ fall for this _every_ time...just every other time). I barely had time to duck and dart away as Oreius reversed his swing. I took the opportunity to bolt back for the clearer area of the courtyard (I was not running, I was strategically repositioning myself).

I turned and parried Oreius' first strike, but soon his strikes were coming in such swift succession that I was giving away before him in an attempt to keep him from tapping me and thus declaring me dead. I blocked one more blow, but then Oreius hit my sword with just the right amount of force that I was knocked back off my feet. The good news was I managed to land on my feet. The bad news was I wasn't able to stop my backward momentum when I landed. I stumbled backward until the back of my calves hit something and I toppled over. I landed with a huge splash in the long water trough that had been moved to the south side of the training yard with the summer weather. The water was surprisingly cold considering it was the middle of the afternoon, but then again it was in the shade. I sat up with a gasp, coughing and sputtering from the water that gone up my nose and into my mouth. I spat out some water then swiped my dripping hair out of my eyes as I glared at the seven people who were all laughing their heads off at what had happened. Okay, fine, group prank with the knives and I guess my landing in the water trough was just the icing on the cake for them.

Oreius was still chuckling when I let him help me out of the water trough. I was completely soaked and my hair was starting to fall out of the chignon I had put it in earlier. I swung my arms down sharply scattering water everywhere as I glared at the cackling pack of hyenas, "Is fuath liom leat go léir." _(I hate you all.)_

Oreius' smile grew because he understood that piece of Irish and he quietly countered, "No you don't, Katerina Alambiel."

I grimaced at him as I walked past him, "Oh yes, I do."

I had made it into the armory and was trying to cool my temper while Peter and Edmund came in, still snickering. None of us were in full armor, it had been too hot, so both boys just had their leather jerkins on over their clothing. I had just decided to not take anything off, so I was just going to leave, but then those two...oh, Edmund and Peter had just gotten over their laughter and they had to say it. "Leaving already, Kat? We thought you liked to swim, Kitty."

I froze then slowly turned to look at the two amadáin whom I had warned before about calling me _that_ name. And, they knew they had done it. They leapt off the bench they had just sat down on and took off running with me hot on their heels after I had snatched up something to help me once I caught them. We ran right past Oreius and the others as I chased them out of the armory and into one of the gardens. I picked up my speed and tackled them both. They didn't have a chance once I had my hands on them. I did exactly what I had warned them I would do if they ever called me that name: I strung them up by their ankles...I also tied the knot so they wouldn't be able to get down without help.

My hair had nearly fallen completely loose by the time I finished, so I was busy trying to put all my hairpins back in their proper places when I left the garden in an admittedly better mood. I passed Oreius and Ardon who looked slightly concerned (couldn't imagine why) before Oreius asked, "Sepphora, where are the Kings?"

I smirked, "Oh, they're hanging around in the garden." This was true...although if I were to be more specific, they were hanging around in an old oak tree in the garden. Oreius knew what I had told the two troublemakers I would do if they ever called me that name, so he gave me a look of slight reproof (which I ignored) before he and Ardon went to cut Peter and Edmund down from the tree. I went to my rooms to change and desperately hoped that today was not an indication of a larger conspiracy to prank me...or if there was one, maybe that was the end of it...unless, no they wouldn't do that... I hope.

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**A/N: Please Read and Review! Okay, we are building up to the really good pranks. Last chance to suggest any prank ideas. Leave a review below and let me know what y'all thought about this one.**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia or any characters you may recognize from the books or the movies, I wish I did but I don't... I also don't own the Narnian Calendar. It belongs to Elecktrum who was kind enough to let me borrow it for my story. Her own stories are awesome and you should go read them too.

Summary: To prank a Kat, it takes an army...and one mastermind...

A/N: This is part of my _A Light in the Darkness_ universe, but can be read as a standalone. Slight spoilers for _Shadowed_ and _Revealed_.

**To Prank a Kat: Act Three**

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28 Sunbend 1002

I woke up wary to say the least...I had no trust that this wasn't some sort of undeclared prank war with me as the primary target. I made it down to the training yard on time and with no mishaps whatsoever...I had a sneaking suspicion it wasn't going to last. Fortunately, Peter and Edmund seemed to have learned at least one lesson yesterday since they kept their mouths shut (yes, the best way to make a point with pre-teen and teen boys is to string 'em up by their ankles...okay, that's not true but they deserved it and it worked). I glared at Oreius by way of greeting and the Kentauri had the gall to act as if he was innocent. "You cannot possibly be mad at me for how you tripped into the water trough yesterday, Sepphora?"

Yes, I could and I was. I glared at him a little harder and my lilt was a bit (okay it was more than a bit) more pronounced than usual as I countered, "And yet the fact remains that I would not have fallen into the water trough yesterday if you had not tossed me in the first place."

He shrugged (I had the sudden inexplicable urge to hit him with some hard, heavy, and possibly pointy object), "You need to work on your landing, Sepphora." I hate him, I really do.

I did the incredibly mature thing of sticking my tongue out at him before I grabbed Chrysaor and turned on my heel to stalk into the training yard. Training was over surprisingly fast because I had expected Oreius to make us do something extra for Sixthday, but instead, once we had spent an hour training one-on-one (I was training with Ardon, which was good for Oreius), we were dismissed. Most of the time I would have taken the reprieve as a nice treat and immediately run off to the library (I've been spending a lot of time in there doing research). This time I did no such thing. I crossed my arms and gave the Kentauri a hard look, "You're just dismissing us? Nothing extra planned or new type of freestyle training for us to participate in?"

After the events of the day before, I was in a very skeptical frame of mind and currently adhering to the rule of if something seems too good to be true, that's because it is and they're out to get you (I was also being cynical). Oreius gave me a look that was the epitome of innocence (I admit he's quite good at hiding his emotions and thoughts when he chooses to do so...although I'm finally starting to figure out his tells). "Yes, you are dismissed."

I opened my mouth to call him out on...on something, only to stop when I realized I still didn't have anything to call him out on. I reluctantly walked past the Kentauri to leave the armory, half-expecting something to be thrown or tossed on me the moment I exited the armory. I almost breathed a sigh of relief when Ardon and Oreius caught up with me, but I stopped myself before I could give away how...uneasy I had been about going through another prank. Because the boys weren't insane enough to pull a prank where the Centaurs might get caught in the crossfire, any vagueness as to why that was a bad idea had been taken care of during the Flour Incident (Extremely Furious Centaurs...do I really need to say more?). "Can one of you explain to me why I have to be present in formal dress at the banquet tonight?"

Oreius gave me an amused look (don't ask me why, I don't know other than he'd been highly amused by everything that happened to me already). "Because you are serving as one of the Queens' guards, and it is best you go as a lady-in-waiting since the Terebinthians will not expect you to be anything more than you appear." Now why do I feel like I should be insulted by that statement?

I frowned a moment as I considered my first impression of that particular trade delegation from Terebinthia, whom I had seen earlier that week, eh, I didn't like two of them. I also didn't like the idea of being in a crowded situation where I had to make nice with people I didn't trust. I perked up at a new thought, "If they do something I don't like, may I hit them?"

Oreius took my question better than Stonebrook had as he just shook his head, "No you may not."

"Are you sure? I mean not the leader, old what's-his-face, but those two who I told you give me the creeps. Are you sure I am not allowed to hit them? Because if anyone deserved to be hit, it's those two creeps. I-" I cut myself off when I noticed that neither Oreius nor Ardon were still walking beside me. I stopped walking and turned slightly to see they had stopped about five feet back. I tilted my head and then I looked up in time to see disaster heading my way. I lowered my head and clapped my hands over my face just as the first load landed on me. At first, I thought it was syrup, but a single taste (impossible to keep this stuff out of one's mouth) told me it was actually honey. I lowered my hands just in time for them to dump the flour on me. Eeeewwww.

I was a floury, sticky mess. The honey was dripping down inside my clothes (uncomfortable doesn't even begin to describe _that_ sensation). I had a mass of both honey and flour in my hair (I was not looking forward to getting it out).

Both Ardon and Oreius were shaking from the effort of holding back their laughter. I could hear the culprits cackling from their position on the other side of the wall where they had been waiting for me to reach the perfect spot for them to dump the mess on me. I just nodded silently. I had to admit they had done well...the miniature evil menaces. I was still nodding when I turned back around and stalked to the Cair. I almost wanted someone to laugh at my expense so I could have an excuse to grab whatever object was handy and pitch it at whoever laughed...no one laughed (disappointing, really).

It took seven hours, four baths, and Tuulea's help to get all the honey and flour out of my hair. I was not happy. Tuulea agreed to let me hide in my room until it was finally time to prepare for the banquet (Oreius had sent a message saying he didn't care what it took but I had to be at the banquet in my role of hidden bodyguard), which I happily did. I spent my time plotting out various slow painful punishments for the lot of them...I was beginning to suspect that one of them was masterminding the entire series of pranks, but I wasn't sure yet who it was...Peter, Edmund, both, or maybe someone else.

I thought the honey and flour had been the end of the pranks that day, but I was wrong. When it came time for me to get ready for the banquet, I found the other prank of the day. At some point, probably when I had been in my study looking for a specific document concerning the Terebinthian party, someone (three guesses who) had gone into my wardrobe and taken all but one of the formal dresses out. Now, this in and of itself would not have been so bad except for one thing. The dress was a gussied-up _pink_, flowing, frilly concoction with ribbons, lace, and other thingamajigs. And, I had to wear it. Will someone just kill me now? Thank you.

With as much dignity as possible (which unfortunately wasn't much because I never wear pink and normally wouldn't be caught dead in that dress), I walked out of my chambers. When I reached the small alcove where the Royals and several other Narnians (including Oreius) waited, I had only one thing to say and I said it with a smile. "You laugh, you die." No one laughed (Lucy and Susan both thought I looked lovely...I suspect they were involved with, if not behind, the dress prank). However, I still had a sinking feeling that the worst of the prank barrage had yet to hit me...I was going to sleep with one eye open (after I mysteriously lost the pink flowing dress of my nightmares).

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**A/N: Please Read and Review! One chapter and three pranks left for Kat. Have y'all guessed who the mastermind is? Leave a review and let me know what y'all thought about this one.**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia or any characters you may recognize from the books or the movies, I wish I did but I don't... I also don't own the Narnian Calendar. It belongs to Elecktrum who was kind enough to let me borrow it for my story. Her own stories are awesome and you should go read them too.

Summary: To prank a Kat, it takes an army...and one mastermind...

A/N: This is part of my _A Light in the Darkness_ universe, but can be read as a standalone. Slight spoilers for _Shadowed_ and _Revealed_.

**To Prank a Kat: Finale**

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29 Sunbend 1002

Ah, blessed Seventhday, how do I love thee? Shall I count the ways? Bad imitation of famous poetry (that no one in Narnia would recognize...well, the Four might, but no one else) aside, I had several reasons to enjoy Seventhday. First, no training. Second, I didn't have to spend any time with the Terebinthians (the two I didn't like turned out to be harmless, still creeps...but harmless creeps). Third, the Terebinthians being present had successfully distracted Lucy and Susan from any plans to sneak a celebration of my being in Narnia for a year into their plans for the day. Hard to believe, I've actually been in Narnia for an entire year. Oh, and fourth, since I had gotten up at fifth hour, I was certain no one had snuck into my quarters and set up another prank...besides, I wasn't such a sound sleeper that I wouldn't have heard anyone sneaking around my room. My only plans for the day involved searching through the genealogy records in the library and they were on track until the moment I started my day with a bath...

It's a bath, there shouldn't have been anything wrong with it, so yes, I was completely shocked when after a single dunk in the tub I opened my eyes to see that my skin was not the same color it had been when I got in the tub. Somehow...I repeat, _somehow_ those _amadáin_ had managed to add a dye solution to my bath. I did not scream when I realized what had happened, nope I was far too furious to make such a noise... I found an older, somewhat worn tunic and skirt I typically wore when training only (since the dye was still damp and I didn't want to ruin anything I actually liked to wear) and quickly dressed. I did not bother with my boots before I stalked out of my quarters, intent on putting in an appearance in the royal quarters where a certain pair of amadáin brothers was most likely still abed.

To say I was angry doesn't even begin to describe how I felt as I stalked through the corridors. But apparently I was broadcasting my feelings quite well since not a single guard even dared to snicker as I passed them, which is why it was probably a good thing I didn't get all the way to the royal wing (less time to seethe). I was stalking by one of the solariums when I heard a piece of conversation that stopped me in my tracks...it was definitely Lucy's voice, "...sure it will work on Kat?"

Edmund sounded far too awake for someone who isn't a morning person as he answered, "Of course, it will, Lu. A better question would be just how do you think she will react to- Oh."

I had opened the door and he had spotted me. The whole room went still as everyone (the rest of the Four, Oreius, Ardon, and Alithia) looked to see what had caused Edmund to cut himself off. To their credit, no one laughed (although they might have simply been too scared of my potential reaction to do so, but that's beside the point). I glared at Peter and Edmund who were looking rather trapped, "My reaction greatly resembles the reaction anyone would have to being dyed an unnatural color."

Susan and Lucy both had their hands over their mouths and their eyes were wide as I moved further into the room, then Susan whispered, "I thought you were just going to dye her hair!"

I started fuming again, "Well, they did and then some!" It was true. I was completely doused in the dye from my hair to my feet. My accent thickened noticeably as I continued, which meant it probably wouldn't take much more before I was speaking only Irish, "And, I have to admire this ingenuity to affix the dye in such a way that I didn't notice it until it was too late. Very clever indeed. Although, I do be wondering just how you managed to sneak into my room without my waking."

All four siblings guiltily glanced past me and I turned to meet Alithia's slightly guilty gaze. I nodded, "Mild sedative would do it."

I took a breath and hung my head in an attempt to force my temper back under control. Unfortunately, that was right about the time that Peter and Edmund glanced at each other and started laughing...I was going to kill them. I took a step forward only to be restrained by Oreius as he grabbed me by the shoulders, "Wait, Sepphora, you took an oath to protect them."

"Hang the oath." Did I mention I was furious?

Oreius spun me around so I was facing him and then the Kentauri said something that took me completely by surprise, "It's not that bad."

"Not that bad?" I stared up at him in utter disbelief. "_Not_ that _bad_? Look at me! I'm _purple_!" Yes, I had been dyed purple and not a light shade of purple either. No, I..._I_ was the same color as an eggplant. Now someone tell me why I was so ticked off about this color change. I mean there weren't even any Nymphs this color, there were blue Nymphs, green Nymphs, yellow Nymphs, and even some Cherry Dryads who had pink hair, but there was not a single Nymph in Narnia who was eggplant purple. Not one!

My declaration seemed to be the final straw as the Four dissolved into laughter. Ardon and Alithia were choking on their laughter and the Kentauri...well, he didn't laugh (possibly because I was giving a heavy-looking statuette on the table a rather contemplative look and he was nearest at hand) but his lips definitely twitched. Oh, be still my seething heart. I took a breath and smacked Oreius' hands away from my shoulders, "You lot had better hope this dye washes off because if it doesn't..."

They all stopped laughing as I glared around at them and both Kings gave an audible gulp when I left my threat to their imaginations (very effective tactic). I stalked back out of the room with as much dignity as one can possess while resembling a walking eggplant. Fortunately, while I had been gone, some of the serving staff had come in and fixed the tub so the dye packs no longer came into play. And, eventually the dye did wash off...eventually, as in it was a good two hours past noon before I rid my hair of the last bit of purple dye (dye plus long hair equals huge pain to wash out). Ugh, it was actually harder to get the dye off my skin and out of my hair than it had been to get the honey and flour out the day before...a fact that irked me to no end (as proven by the fact I had spent the last four hours spelling out exactly how I was going to make the person responsible pay in rather irate Irish).

Still, by the time I once again left my quarters, this time de-purpled and dressed in a simple blue dress (still not bothering with shoes), I had actually calmed down enough that I was mainly curious about which of the seven was actually the mastermind behind the pranking syndicate. Of course, I wasn't going to seek anyone out to ask them... However, this didn't stop them from seeking me out. I had my hand on the door handle, not even a full centimeter away from opening the door to the library, when they spotted me. "Katerina Alambiel."

I sighed, I had a feeling I would be getting zero amount of my research completed that day after all. I turned and gave the three Centaurs a questioning look. "Now what do you want?" I wasn't exactly in the friendliest of moods (but considering what had already happened that morn, can you blame me?).

Oreius just raised an eyebrow (I swear the eyebrow raising thing must be in the Centaur genetic makeup), "For you to come with us."

He can't be serious. I crossed my arms as I stared at him, "And, why in the world would I go with you, especially considering all three of you have been involved in the pranks over the last three days, including this morn?"

He turned and started walking back the way they had come as he called over his shoulder, "Because I have your coffee, Katerina Alambiel."

Wait a minute, how did he- Never mind, I didn't really want to know how Oreius got his hands on my coffee. And, yes, I believed him when he said that because I had known him for exactly one year and he had yet to bluff...ever. Unfortunately, that meant if he said he was holding my coffee hostage, he really was holding my coffee hostage. Oh, the things I was willing to do to get my coffee back... "Olc caife-ghoid Kentauri, ghrain agam ort ag an nóiméad. Tá sé éadrócaireach a bhfuil tú, a bheidh le cur mo caife agus ansin é a úsáid chun a dhéanamh dom leanann tú. Éagórach agus an chuid is mó éadrócaireach." _(Evil coffee-stealing Kentauri, I despise you at this moment. It is cruel you are, to be taking my coffee and then use it to make me follow you. Unfair and most cruel.)_ Hey, I said I was willing to do it, that didn't mean I would miss the opportunity to grumble about it, besides Oreius wanted to learn Irish...here's another opportunity to do so.

By then, I was walking along beside Oreius so I saw the way he was smirking as he managed to translate enough to know the main gist of what I was saying. Fortunately, he didn't say anything that would truly set me off. Instead he just let me grumble until we finally reached a larger room that had clearly been designed with Centaurs in mind based on the furniture, which was a mix of several tall tables and then what I consider to be an offshoot of Greco-Roman chaise lounges. On one of the tables I could see a steaming coffee pot just waiting to be poured (there was also a decanter of wine but I didn't care about that), and I was on my way to do just that when I paused. I turned to look at them and tilted my head slightly as I watched Oreius specifically, "You know, I do realize that all the pranks I've been subjected to since Fifthday have been a sort of retaliation for what I have done in the past. However, this has been ridiculous." Oreius raised his eyebrow in silent question and I continued, "Because you lot contributed to a deluge of pranks, whereas I spread my pranks out over a period of several weeks, if not several months."

The three Centaurs looked at each other in silence as I finally started pouring myself some coffee. The coffee fumes were getting to me and I was in a steadily improving mood. "Of course, I admit that I went a wee bit too far with the second prank involving dye even if you did somewhat deserve it, Oreius." I grinned as I turned back around to face them directly, cradling my coffee in one hand, "Still, I hope there aren't any more pranks today because I'm not sure I can tolerate another one. Actually, I know I won't be able to tolerate another one. And, while I can't promise to never pull another prank, I can at least assure you that my pranks will be somewhat toned down and I'll even make them less frequent, fair, no?"

Alithia and Ardon exchanged a look and then they both stared at Oreius who raised a hand and- That's the last thing I was able to pay attention to because about that moment I took a drink of my coffee and less than two seconds later the message from my mouth to my brain went from 'Mmmmm' to 'Ahhhhhh! Fire!' and I was rather preoccupied. I gasped then choked and dropped my coffee cup as I missed the table when I tried to put it down. I could barely see anything as my eyes started watering and I choked out, "Béil...Dóiteáin! Te, an-te dó é! Ah! Dóiteáin! Uisce! Tabhair...anois!" _(Mouth...Fire! Hot, very hot it burns! Ah! Fire! Water! Give...now!)_ You try to piece together a full sentence when your mouth feels like someone scraping it with hot coals and washing it down with liquid flames.

I was nearly doubled over by the time they shoved a goblet of wine into my hands (apparently they didn't have any water nearby, but it was liquid so I took it...just didn't drink it as fast as I would've drank water). However, the fact that my mouth and throat were on fire did not prevent me from paying attention when Alithia hissed, "You were only supposed to put a middle one in, Oreius." Narnia's not going to have a general after today.

I took another sip of the wine and then I came very close to blowing a gasket. "Cad a bhí tú ag smaoineamh? Agus, a rá leat go bhfuil mé an ceann- Ah, go dónna! Deir tú Tá mé an ceann atá meargánta? Cad atá tú ansin?" _(What were you thinking? And, you say that I am the one- Ah, that burns! You say I am the one who is reckless? What are you then?)_ Okay...I blew a gasket.

Oreius wasn't looking nearly guilty enough to make me happy (Alithia was glaring at him too...made me happier) as he spread his hands in the universal sign of It's-not-my-fault. "I had Kori select one of the mildest peppers in the Cair. She should not have this reaction. You should not have this reaction." As intelligent as Oreius is, there are times when he is quite simply an idiot...this is one of them.

I glared at him (as best as I was able considering my watery eyes), but this time I was pretty sure Alithia's glare was more effective than mine. I straightened and took another drink while Alithia countered, "Well, she is having this reaction. Clearly, she has very little tolerance for even mild peppers."

"I didn't know."

I promptly took the opportunity to throw the now empty goblet at Oreius (he ducked...how disappointing) and snapped, "Ba chóir duit a sheiceáil!" _(You should have checked!)_

"And, just how was I supposed to check, Katerina Alambiel?"

I gave him a disgusted look. He messed with my coffee. Put peppers in it. Peppers! I don't go near peppers or any type of spicy food if I can avoid it...actually the nearest I'd been to peppers recently was when I dumped powdered habenero seeds into Oreius' coffee in Fairdawn (in case you didn't notice, I have almost zero tolerance for peppers and other spicies). I took a breath trying to cool my temper...I was having better success cooling my mouth. "Tá mé ag dul chun tú a mharú." _(I'm going to kill you.)_

The Kentauri definitely understood that one (been a bit of a trend in what he asked me to teach him first). He glanced from me to Alithia then back to me before he stated, "You do not mean that, Katerina Alambiel."

"Sea, is féidir liom chiallaíonn sé." _(Yes, I do mean it.)_ And, I did. I graced him with yet another glare before I left the room and eventually found my way back to my quarters...after getting lost twice (this was actually an improvement). Good thing about getting lost was I had time to rant to my heart's content without throwing anything sharp at anyone (even if a certain amadáin of a Centaur I knew deserved it). The guards hid...apparently, an angry knight stalking through the halls of Cair Paravel hissing in Irish was _not_ something they wanted to see any closer than absolutely necessary.

Of course, that didn't stop my current state of irritation from immediately fading out (I have a temper...it takes me a bit to regain control sometimes). Cue banging of drawers as I rummaged through my desk looking for a particular document (Paperwork...I hate it) I needed for the Cyclopes, Ogres, and Harpies mêlée so as to officially explain why it was not my fault (I repeat I hate paperwork...and Oreius since this is his doing). Midway through banging (and more Irish exclamations about rotten Centaurs who mess with perfectly good coffee), a very nervous Faun (I could hear the tray rattling long before I heard him timidly knock on the door to my study) brought me lunch... Actually, in Narnia it's called afternoon tea...after a year that should be easy for me to remember but I still just call it whatever I feel like calling it at the moment...in this case, it was lunch (especially since I don't drink tea if I can avoid it).

Fortunately for my next visitor, by the time evening had fallen, I had finally moved past the banging and irritated Irish muttering...although I could quite willingly make an exception for him. I didn't bother to look up at the knock on my door, "What do you want now?"

"Lesson's over?" He chose now to make a joke?

I leaned back in my chair and just raised an eyebrow, "If you are here for the report, you shall have to wait for the ink to finish drying. If you are not here for the report...well, I don't know why you're here then, so go away." Oh yes, Oreius was still not in my good graces.

Not that he really cared. "You are not still irritated with me."

I crossed my arms, "And, how do you know that, Oreius?"

The Kentauri was far too smug as he shrugged, "You do not hold grudges."

"I'm considering making an exception for you."

He laughed. I'm sure I had something on my desk that I could throw at him. Oreius was still smirking as he glanced around my study and then at my desk, "I still don't know how you find anything, Katerina Alambiel."

"Easy, it's all a part of my system of organized chaos." It worked too.

"I see the chaos. I have yet to see the organization. No one can find anything on your desk at any given time."

"It's my desk. Why should anyone else be able to find anything?" And, right then, the little detail that had been niggling at the back of my mind all day clicked. "Who was Susan talking to this morn?"

He hadn't expected the abrupt change in conversation, "This morn?"

Oh, I had his number now. "Yes, this morn when I was imitating an eggplant. Susan said only my hair was supposed to be dyed. I assumed in the moment that she had been talking to her brothers, but she wasn't even looking at them or me...she was looking behind me. At about where you were standing, Oreius."

The Kentauri didn't even blink as he simply stated, "You sleep with your hair in a braid. It was easier to affix the dye packs to the tub."

I slowly stood and walked around my desk to stand directly in front of Oreius as I reminded myself that hitting the General of the Narnian Army was not a good idea...no matter how appealing. "You. You are the one who put the dye in there and you put powdered pepper seeds in my coffee...my good coffee. Did you also arrange for the rest of the pranks? Because now that I've had time to distance myself and look at the execution of the pranks over the last three days, I notice they've been carried out with almost military precision. Besides, in addition to the two today, there have been three other pranks carried out that you had to be aware of and two you would have had to approve even if you weren't behind it all."

I crossed my arms to keep from hitting him (oh he is most irritating) as his smirk grew into a true grin, "Were you expecting Sherket instead? Besides, getting you back for all those pranks had the added benefit of providing Sirs Wolfsbane and How with practice in how to successfully carry out guerilla tactics." And... I'm back to my previous thought of killing him. They can get a new General, I'm sure.

However, killing Oreius would probably result in more paperwork... I narrowed my eyes at him, "If you ever do this again, Narnia shall be looking for a new General." He nodded. I turned to move back around my desk then stopped and spun back around to face him. "Oreius, if you ever tamper with my good coffee again, I will kill you."

He grinned, "I understand. You asked me earlier why I came to see you...this is why." He held out a knife and I took it.

Pulling it free of its plain leather sheath, I had to admire the deadly beauty of the weapon as its slightly curved and heavily etched blade caught the light of the lamp on my desk. I glanced back up at the Kentauri and shook my head, "You do realize that most people don't give weapons to someone who just threatened them, right?"

He grinned, "You're not going to use it on me. Besides, you need another knife, especially since Baumur is still refusing to create new daggers for you. It is to commemorate the fact that you have been in Narnia for a year...and the fact that by the grace of Aslan, we have survived having you here for a year."

I sheathed the knife, set it on top of one pile of papers, then grabbed the report I had filled out and smacked Oreius with it (it bounced off his left arm mostly) before I handed it to him. "Your sense of humor is questionable, Kentauri, and I have other things to do still. So, take the report and go away now." He was chuckling as he left. I grinned in spite of myself as I shook my head at the thought of Oreius being the mastermind behind all of the pranks.

I had forgotten to ask the Kentauri if there were any more pranks planned... I wish I had. They were sneaky with the last one. I didn't discover it until I called it a night and tried to go to bed. My progress was stopped short when I couldn't get more than halfway under the sheet. I let out an irritated hiss and tossed the covers back to reveal the imps I heard giggling in my parlor had short-sheeted my bed. I rolled my eyes. They weren't done yet? Pulling on a robe, I opened my bedroom door and glared at the Four who were dressed in sleeping clothes and dressing gowns with identical smiles blooming as soon as they saw me. Lucy giggled, "Don't you like your apple pie bed, Kat?"

I sighed, giving up the fight before it started (this time), "Any other pranks or may I safely carry out my day tomorrow without fear of pranks?"

They nodded, and then Lucy helpfully added, "Oreius said Peter and Edmund were done practicing their guerilla tactics until next time." Just how much trouble would it cause me to make Oreius go missing for about a week?

Edmund leaned toward her a little, "I don't think you should have told our Kat that, Lu. Now, she has that look."

I started to grin a little as Lucy exchanged a confused look with Peter and Susan before she turned back to Edmund, "What look?"

"The look that says she is contemplating doing something only a complete and unpredictable lunatic would do."

I smiled wider as I cheerfully responded, "Oh, don't worry, Edmund. I'm not planning anything for the near future. Good night." I walked back into the bedroom, closing the door behind me before I quickly stripped the sheets then remade the bed properly, grinning all the while. After all, I had only told Oreius that I would tone down the pranks...never said how far I would tone them down. Besides, they all got to prank me...once the timing is just right, I shall return the favor. Wouldn't want things to get boring around the Cair, now would we? Of course not.

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**A/N: Please Read and Review! So, this is the final chapter of To Prank a Kat, thanks for all the ideas and suggestions. The pranks that didn't make it into this story shall probably show up in future stories. The new short story set just before Concealed shall be showing up in the next few weeks if all goes well. I'll probably announce the title for it at the end of Life Goes On, the next chapter of which should be up over the weekend or thereabouts. Leave a review below and let me know what y'all thought about this one and if y'all have any requests for future stories include it in your review or send me a PM.**


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